this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
