I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
