That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
