I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
