He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
