Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so let's talk penis.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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