Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
