Sry I called you an 8
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
