Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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