I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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