She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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