when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
