There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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