So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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