I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
