He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
