It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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