He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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