im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
