There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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