I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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