Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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