I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
