My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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