where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
