Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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