I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
