just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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