Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
