Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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