Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
