Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
