My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
