It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
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Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The air taste purple.
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