So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
