guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
