My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
