I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
