Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
