Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
