Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
