We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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