The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
