You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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