Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
