In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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