thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
