shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
