you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.