Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone

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  (215): I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone http://tfl.nu/geen
  Replies (5) Good night (542) Bad night (2438)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.

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  (212): he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform. http://tfl.nu/ifar
  Replies (16) Good night (539) Bad night (3387)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.

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  (781): Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning. (1-781): I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon. http://tfl.nu/wxu1
  Replies (19) Good night (6083) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.

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  (260): I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/i41h
  Replies (28) Good night (3778) Bad night (5614)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?

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  (902): is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with? http://tfl.nu/yzo8
  Replies (56) Good night (1073) Bad night (5844)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.

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  (253): Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college. http://tfl.nu/tulo
  Replies (40) Good night (6463) Bad night (1530)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.

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  (850): Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick. http://tfl.nu/uv5q
  Replies (6) Good night (2065) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.

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  (201): He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/ws8z
  Replies (8) Good night (2674) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything

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  (608): I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything http://tfl.nu/ll8l
  Replies (6) Good night (542) Bad night (1897)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"

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  (701): Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..? (1-701): No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup" http://tfl.nu/9q23
  Replies (1) Good night (1672) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?

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  (206): How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!? http://tfl.nu/pijo
  Replies (4) Good night (687) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating

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  (206): My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating http://tfl.nu/ns48
  Replies (2) Good night (940) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (447): View more from

  She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.

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  (447): She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases. http://tfl.nu/jvs6
  Replies (5) Good night (247) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.

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  (586): I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down. http://tfl.nu/ak0v
  Replies (3) Good night (1010) Bad night (253)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.

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  (906): Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle. http://tfl.nu/e62g
  Replies (0) Good night (454) Bad night (176)

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