I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
