True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?