Texts From Last Night

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up

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  (785): If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up http://tfl.nu/fktn
  Replies (9) Good night (1149) Bad night (2914)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes

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  (203): i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes http://tfl.nu/2sgp
  Replies (14) Good night (4679) Bad night (979)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?

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  (937): Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes? http://tfl.nu/r1tf
  Replies (14) Good night (5152) Bad night (993)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.

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  (443): The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that. http://tfl.nu/d0ly
  Replies (15) Good night (3971) Bad night (1378)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.

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  (203): I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards. http://tfl.nu/12q7
  Replies (14) Good night (3040) Bad night (1542)
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  (510): View more from California

  He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?

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  (510): He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing? http://tfl.nu/wg1w
  Replies (1) Good night (1785) Bad night (856)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.

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  (613): I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another. http://tfl.nu/23d2
  Replies (10) Good night (1299) Bad night (2012)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.

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  (662): Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse. http://tfl.nu/b0l0
  Replies (6) Good night (1717) Bad night (982)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.

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  (803): She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/t2n2
  Replies (12) Good night (717) Bad night (1448)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Is that even possible?

  (509): View more from Washington

  I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.

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  (509): He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me. (425): Is that even possible? (509): I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/y48j
  Replies (17) Good night (1026) Bad night (2870)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out

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  (213): If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out http://tfl.nu/pkwm
  Replies (3) Good night (1435) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome

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  (913): Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome http://tfl.nu/rr1v
  Replies (4) Good night (1393) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life

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  (519): Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life http://tfl.nu/r9i3
  Replies (7) Good night (292) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...

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  (309): Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers... http://tfl.nu/i2q8
  Replies (1) Good night (439) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh

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  (443): It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh http://tfl.nu/sspz
  Replies (1) Good night (142) Bad night (366)

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