Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
