Texts From Last Night

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  (585): View more from New York

  it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.

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  (585): it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident. http://tfl.nu/668s
  Replies (9) Good night (1070) Bad night (497)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk

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  (845): I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk http://tfl.nu/2s8p
  Replies (13) Good night (910) Bad night (3945)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.

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  (201): if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter. http://tfl.nu/wtfv
  Replies (27) Good night (5118) Bad night (1109)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.

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  (502): one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why. http://tfl.nu/9zaj
  Replies (12) Good night (5150) Bad night (1235)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.

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  (702): I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers. http://tfl.nu/kck1
  Replies (6) Good night (2207) Bad night (1020)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.

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  (605): dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce. http://tfl.nu/vye8
  Replies (20) Good night (4343) Bad night (917)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out

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  (239): they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out http://tfl.nu/ncls
  Replies (2) Good night (3671) Bad night (775)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.

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  (712): Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore. http://tfl.nu/hjm6
  Replies (5) Good night (824) Bad night (3334)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.

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  (330): Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in. http://tfl.nu/l5u1
  Replies (8) Good night (3660) Bad night (839)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.

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  (417): Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go. http://tfl.nu/8zsf
  Replies (15) Good night (2090) Bad night (764)
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  (646): View more from New York

  I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.

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  (646): I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly. http://tfl.nu/khhz
  Replies (11) Good night (2181) Bad night (686)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.

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  (201): A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns. http://tfl.nu/v0at
  Replies (5) Good night (1345) Bad night (448)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape

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  (250): im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape http://tfl.nu/bk86
  Replies (1) Good night (777) Bad night (965)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.

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  (630): I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them. http://tfl.nu/i0r0
  Replies (0) Good night (225) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters

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  (315): i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters http://tfl.nu/mv30
  Replies (16) Good night (297) Bad night (852)

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