just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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