i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
