There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
