Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
