I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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