I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
