plz talk dirty to me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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