I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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