i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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