She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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