The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
