I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
