I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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